Relief comes not from the absence of discomfort, but of your relation to it. Boredom in meditation isn’t a sign of failure. It’s an honest glimpse into the noise of the mind, and how resistant it is to seeing itself.
One reason suffering feels so persistent is that it’s always referred back to a self: my pain, my failure, my restlessness. This “self” we defend and try to improve is not a stable entity at all. It’s a process, a shifting collection of memories, habits, sensations, and reactions. When you look closely, there’s no fixed point you can call “I” apart from the contents of experience itself. The sense of a solid self is an illusion created by the mind’s constant narration. And if the self is not what it seems, then neither is the suffering that revolves around it. This doesn’t erase pain, but it puts it in a different frame, as something arising within awareness, not something happening to a permanent subject.
We do not choose to be angry, or elated, or depressed, or in hysterics. These emotions arise naturally. And, given enough time, they evaporate. We don’t have the capacity to feel as sad, happy, or angry, as we organically felt in the moment of whatever surprised us and produced the impassioned sentiment. This means that we didn’t control or choose it to happen either. We simply witnessed our brain produce the sentiment. It produced anger and we mistakenly thought, “I’m angry”.
But you as the witness of your thoughts and sentiments are only a part of the brain that produces them. That shift in understanding is not dramatic, but it can be a radical step in minimizing suffering by grasping your place in the nature of your mind.
>the sort of Substack that largely works by catering to the prejudices of its readers, telling them over and over again how noble and brave they are and how their enemies are morons and assholes.
Well THAT narrows it down to "most things on the Internet."
I didn’t expect or ask for my immune system to go sideways to develop lung disease and pulmonary hypertension. I didn’t want to have to hide from sunshine or being around people because my immune system is fragile. I don’t want to have episodes of explosive coughing that cause me to cut my tongue on my teeth. Those are the Bad Things that are happening to me. It’s what I have to deal with. I get through my days with the grace of God, the support of my family, and recognizing all the GOOD things I have going on. Could it be better? Of course. Could it be worse? Absolutely, far, far worse. I am grateful for every day that it is not.
That list of likelihood of bad things happening doesn't rank how bad each thing is; acne is not as bad as Guilliame Bare syndrome. Speaking as the mother of a child with a 1 in 100,000 rare disease, its rarity exacerbates the tragedy of the symptoms. And it makes it absolutely clear that while everybody may hurt to some degree, some people suffer to a far greater degree far more of the time.
The biography of the ancient Greek philosopher Pyrrho sounds a lot like Cameron, including the part about not feeling pain. Pyrrho, however, gave a recipe for his disposition; the fullest description we have of it is in book one of Sextus Empiricus' "Outlines of Pyrrhonism." The most important part of it is to never consider anything to be inherently good or bad.
I laughed off meditation for 50 years. My wife tried to get me into it 9 years ago and it only made me angry. I found my own path to it eventually (you, Tamler, and Dave were on that winding path) and it has been life changing. It took a long time to stick, it’s like learning a new sport, only using your brain. My journey required a lot of time, openness, and self compassion. The pandemic gave me the time and openness came through a lot of reading and sitting.
A related calculation: if you have a good friend for many years, the odds are quite high that they are going to say or do something *very* hurtful to you at some point in time.
Suppose there’s a 97% chance they won’t say or do anything terribly hurtful to you in a year. That seems pretty reasonable, since there’s always a tiny chance that they fall into pretty unfavorable circumstances that trigger their insecurities, faults, or weaknesses, and they end up lashing out at you since you were available and they weren’t in control of themselves. Part of being psychologically wise is realizing that truth about humans.
If you do the math, you’ll discover that over a roughly 20-year period there’s about a 50/50 chance they will eventually do or say something really hurtful to you. They might be your spouse, your sibling, your parent, your child, your favorite neighbor, or coworker. Prepare yourself.
"Be pitiful, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
Thank you for providing the source for this quote. I've seen it attributed to Plato a number of times (replacing "pitiful" with "kind"), and I was certain that it was not Plato.
re substack charging: what charge for substack membership maximises your income? At £65 pa I might subscribe to a single feed. At £6.50 I'd more likely subscribe to 10.
re your envy: how much is that cos of his no of followers and how much is it your disdain at his output [his goat was never alive!]? If his stuff was as good as yours would you still resent it? Perhaps only in a self-pitying "why not me?" sense.
BTW: I'm envious of your writing skill but I still wish you every success and lots of paying followers. Long may your goat continue to lay its golden eggs!
Do you think the intensity of pain and pleasure diminishes with age? I recall data to support that. I find stoicism more appealing and envy less intense with passing years.
I am offhandedly reminded of some lines of wisdom from literary refences and my own experience,
In Man's Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl described suffering as a gas that filled an entire space no matter the density. Meaning it filled the entirety of the "soul" despite how deep a suffering was. Its a poetic sentiment, but I've seen people who's suffered very little, but be extremely bitter, and also seen someone who suffers a lot, and be the most joyous person I've met. What determines how we react? There is a genetic argument, but I also emphasize our choice in what we pay attention to. I think envy is the opposite of gratitude; to not be grateful is more than just to "not appreciate what you have" its to actively desire something we do not have, since our brain is always active. Maybe a daily habit of gratitude can do a lot, but its no easy task.
Also in your substack example, I am in habit now to dismiss anything seemingly successful exactly for the reason you listed: it caters. In terms of Plato, unchecked Thumos drives reckless action. Action for the sake of appeal to others, and as psychology has shown us, belonging and status are indeed strong drives. We can see where that leads though.... there will be natural consequences for the type of behavior that's mainly motivated for those reasons.
I don't think anhedonic patients are enviable. Anhedonia is often associated with depression and other mental illnesses. And even when it is not, the diminished range of affect experienced by anhedonic patients makes them feel less joy as well as less emotional connection with others as well as less pain. Anhedonia, such as that which Cameron experiences, is by no means a total lack of feeling. Anhedonic patients do experience joy from some activities and that joy would be a marked contrast with their more typical states of diminished feeling. Every person has a slightly different range of feeling and some people get anxious and excited about very minor issues which can also be a severe handicap.
The point is that there is a wide variation in emotional response among humans and undoubtedly among animals too. Have you ever met two people or two cats or dogs with identical personalities? If so you are probably not looking closely enough.
That's correct in the sense that neither The NY Times nor New Yorker articles diagnose Cameron with Anhedonia. However, Cameron seems similar to patients at the extreme end of the Anhedonia spectrum. Anhedonia is also believed to be largely genetic although the genes involved have not, despite a good deal of research, yet been identified. It is highly unusual that a specific gene (FAAH OUT or if you will, "Far out") could be identified in Cameron's case and perhaps further research may find Anhedonia is also associated with Cameron's specific genetic condition. Anhedonia is usually associated with depression which was not the case with Cameron (which is also unusual). But her case should be looked into for a connection to people suffering from anhedonia.
The point though is that Anhedonia spectrum patients are not enviable. Most people would die of unidentified injuries at an early age if they could not experience pain. (Cameron's hip had completely deteriorated before it was even noticed by those around her.) It is almost miraculous that she has lived to be 71.
Finally your quotes in the article are well taken. Compassion can be more useful than empathy. But that's in part because empathy is impossible as a matter of the laws of physics. You can never feel what someone else feels, you can only imagine how YOU would feel in their circumstances. But that's another story.
A. Some people suffer and then don’t want anyone else to suffer.
B. Other people suffer and then want everyone else to suffer.
C. Still others have never really suffered and have very little empathy. They assume life has been great for everyone, and the rest of us are just whiners.
The distinctions between these types of people aren’t always obvious at first, but these different life experiences lead to big differences in any long-term relationship – partnership or friendship.
Relief comes not from the absence of discomfort, but of your relation to it. Boredom in meditation isn’t a sign of failure. It’s an honest glimpse into the noise of the mind, and how resistant it is to seeing itself.
One reason suffering feels so persistent is that it’s always referred back to a self: my pain, my failure, my restlessness. This “self” we defend and try to improve is not a stable entity at all. It’s a process, a shifting collection of memories, habits, sensations, and reactions. When you look closely, there’s no fixed point you can call “I” apart from the contents of experience itself. The sense of a solid self is an illusion created by the mind’s constant narration. And if the self is not what it seems, then neither is the suffering that revolves around it. This doesn’t erase pain, but it puts it in a different frame, as something arising within awareness, not something happening to a permanent subject.
We do not choose to be angry, or elated, or depressed, or in hysterics. These emotions arise naturally. And, given enough time, they evaporate. We don’t have the capacity to feel as sad, happy, or angry, as we organically felt in the moment of whatever surprised us and produced the impassioned sentiment. This means that we didn’t control or choose it to happen either. We simply witnessed our brain produce the sentiment. It produced anger and we mistakenly thought, “I’m angry”.
But you as the witness of your thoughts and sentiments are only a part of the brain that produces them. That shift in understanding is not dramatic, but it can be a radical step in minimizing suffering by grasping your place in the nature of your mind.
Reminded me of a blue cliff record koan:
Sickness and medicine are in accord with each other.
The whole world is medicine.
What am I?
>the sort of Substack that largely works by catering to the prejudices of its readers, telling them over and over again how noble and brave they are and how their enemies are morons and assholes.
Well THAT narrows it down to "most things on the Internet."
I didn’t expect or ask for my immune system to go sideways to develop lung disease and pulmonary hypertension. I didn’t want to have to hide from sunshine or being around people because my immune system is fragile. I don’t want to have episodes of explosive coughing that cause me to cut my tongue on my teeth. Those are the Bad Things that are happening to me. It’s what I have to deal with. I get through my days with the grace of God, the support of my family, and recognizing all the GOOD things I have going on. Could it be better? Of course. Could it be worse? Absolutely, far, far worse. I am grateful for every day that it is not.
That list of likelihood of bad things happening doesn't rank how bad each thing is; acne is not as bad as Guilliame Bare syndrome. Speaking as the mother of a child with a 1 in 100,000 rare disease, its rarity exacerbates the tragedy of the symptoms. And it makes it absolutely clear that while everybody may hurt to some degree, some people suffer to a far greater degree far more of the time.
The biography of the ancient Greek philosopher Pyrrho sounds a lot like Cameron, including the part about not feeling pain. Pyrrho, however, gave a recipe for his disposition; the fullest description we have of it is in book one of Sextus Empiricus' "Outlines of Pyrrhonism." The most important part of it is to never consider anything to be inherently good or bad.
I laughed off meditation for 50 years. My wife tried to get me into it 9 years ago and it only made me angry. I found my own path to it eventually (you, Tamler, and Dave were on that winding path) and it has been life changing. It took a long time to stick, it’s like learning a new sport, only using your brain. My journey required a lot of time, openness, and self compassion. The pandemic gave me the time and openness came through a lot of reading and sitting.
I’m still working on the self-compassion.
A related calculation: if you have a good friend for many years, the odds are quite high that they are going to say or do something *very* hurtful to you at some point in time.
Suppose there’s a 97% chance they won’t say or do anything terribly hurtful to you in a year. That seems pretty reasonable, since there’s always a tiny chance that they fall into pretty unfavorable circumstances that trigger their insecurities, faults, or weaknesses, and they end up lashing out at you since you were available and they weren’t in control of themselves. Part of being psychologically wise is realizing that truth about humans.
If you do the math, you’ll discover that over a roughly 20-year period there’s about a 50/50 chance they will eventually do or say something really hurtful to you. They might be your spouse, your sibling, your parent, your child, your favorite neighbor, or coworker. Prepare yourself.
Of all the people I follow on Substack you are the one I would most like to have a beer with.
thanks, kind of you to say!
"Be pitiful, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
Thank you for providing the source for this quote. I've seen it attributed to Plato a number of times (replacing "pitiful" with "kind"), and I was certain that it was not Plato.
re substack charging: what charge for substack membership maximises your income? At £65 pa I might subscribe to a single feed. At £6.50 I'd more likely subscribe to 10.
re your envy: how much is that cos of his no of followers and how much is it your disdain at his output [his goat was never alive!]? If his stuff was as good as yours would you still resent it? Perhaps only in a self-pitying "why not me?" sense.
BTW: I'm envious of your writing skill but I still wish you every success and lots of paying followers. Long may your goat continue to lay its golden eggs!
Do you think the intensity of pain and pleasure diminishes with age? I recall data to support that. I find stoicism more appealing and envy less intense with passing years.
I think I know a few people who are immune to the joys of life. :)
I am offhandedly reminded of some lines of wisdom from literary refences and my own experience,
In Man's Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl described suffering as a gas that filled an entire space no matter the density. Meaning it filled the entirety of the "soul" despite how deep a suffering was. Its a poetic sentiment, but I've seen people who's suffered very little, but be extremely bitter, and also seen someone who suffers a lot, and be the most joyous person I've met. What determines how we react? There is a genetic argument, but I also emphasize our choice in what we pay attention to. I think envy is the opposite of gratitude; to not be grateful is more than just to "not appreciate what you have" its to actively desire something we do not have, since our brain is always active. Maybe a daily habit of gratitude can do a lot, but its no easy task.
Also in your substack example, I am in habit now to dismiss anything seemingly successful exactly for the reason you listed: it caters. In terms of Plato, unchecked Thumos drives reckless action. Action for the sake of appeal to others, and as psychology has shown us, belonging and status are indeed strong drives. We can see where that leads though.... there will be natural consequences for the type of behavior that's mainly motivated for those reasons.
I don't think anhedonic patients are enviable. Anhedonia is often associated with depression and other mental illnesses. And even when it is not, the diminished range of affect experienced by anhedonic patients makes them feel less joy as well as less emotional connection with others as well as less pain. Anhedonia, such as that which Cameron experiences, is by no means a total lack of feeling. Anhedonic patients do experience joy from some activities and that joy would be a marked contrast with their more typical states of diminished feeling. Every person has a slightly different range of feeling and some people get anxious and excited about very minor issues which can also be a severe handicap.
The point is that there is a wide variation in emotional response among humans and undoubtedly among animals too. Have you ever met two people or two cats or dogs with identical personalities? If so you are probably not looking closely enough.
Why do you think Cameron suffers from anhedonia? It doesn't fit how she is described in the New Yorker article?
That's correct in the sense that neither The NY Times nor New Yorker articles diagnose Cameron with Anhedonia. However, Cameron seems similar to patients at the extreme end of the Anhedonia spectrum. Anhedonia is also believed to be largely genetic although the genes involved have not, despite a good deal of research, yet been identified. It is highly unusual that a specific gene (FAAH OUT or if you will, "Far out") could be identified in Cameron's case and perhaps further research may find Anhedonia is also associated with Cameron's specific genetic condition. Anhedonia is usually associated with depression which was not the case with Cameron (which is also unusual). But her case should be looked into for a connection to people suffering from anhedonia.
The point though is that Anhedonia spectrum patients are not enviable. Most people would die of unidentified injuries at an early age if they could not experience pain. (Cameron's hip had completely deteriorated before it was even noticed by those around her.) It is almost miraculous that she has lived to be 71.
Finally your quotes in the article are well taken. Compassion can be more useful than empathy. But that's in part because empathy is impossible as a matter of the laws of physics. You can never feel what someone else feels, you can only imagine how YOU would feel in their circumstances. But that's another story.
Recognize the three types of people:
A. Some people suffer and then don’t want anyone else to suffer.
B. Other people suffer and then want everyone else to suffer.
C. Still others have never really suffered and have very little empathy. They assume life has been great for everyone, and the rest of us are just whiners.
The distinctions between these types of people aren’t always obvious at first, but these different life experiences lead to big differences in any long-term relationship – partnership or friendship.
(From https://www.losingmyreligions.net/)
Great essay!