Damn the second point is so TRUE. I remember my wife hated getting up to the baby at night, and I loved it. It just felt so natural, as if getting up at night for the baby made me the ultimate father. As I don't feel so "ultimate" at the usual day to day, feeling so on a daily (well, nightly) basis is pretty good.
Smooch that belly! Nothing better than baby kissing. Good luck with the workload. The end of the semester will be here before you know it. Just don’t skimp on your conversations with Bob Wright! We must not have you making the lot of us miserable by your absence.
I’m a 55-year-old with daughters aged 20, 8, and 4 and a son aged 8 months. The boy was the most instantly bewitching of the three. So maybe it’s not a sex thing. (Not that a second data point is decisive.) Could be paternal age, as you suggest, or something thrilling in difference. (Or maybe it’s a Canadian thing. I’m a Canadian boy who found his way to New England as a student and never left.)
I'm not a father...yet, so I can only relate superficially. I remember once reading a tweet about how it has never historically been the duty of fathers to babywatch or do any other such babycare activities nor was this ever expected of them because there was always a host of extended family kins who would happily do this in order to relieve the mother at least for the first few months or so.
I know you're not complaining and I know today's Western culture demands it of every father as a standard contribution to domestic felicity. In Africa it's different and I think this is one aspect of our own culture I still very much value (even though I've made no secret of valuing very little else). In Nigeria for example, once a couple have a newborn, the mother-in-law from the wife's or husband's side of the family (depending on the tribe, in my own tribe, the Yorubas, it's the husband's mother) would leave everything they're doing to come stay with the new family and help not just with childcare but other domestic affairs for a minimum of one month which could be longer depending on many other considerations. The wife's mother could then take over after the husband's mother has left. For the Igbos, it's the wife's mother this duty falls on and it's something the in-laws look forward to and even fight for.
In the absence of both mother's in-law, usually due to no longer being alive, the eldest daughter or (grand) aunt would step into the role. This is not even mentioning a plethora of younger sisters and cousins who are also eager to step into this role as a way to return the favor they've enjoyed over the years from the couple. This of course means that it's a privilege that's more enjoyed by those who are in the mid to high socioeconomic class. And it's something I also look forward to enjoying when I do become a father.
She's a sweetheart! I was riveted by the novel Flesh. I'm so I curious about your take on Istvan's psychology. To me I imagine that he embodies the character of many young men today. Hey when you get a minute can you pronounce Szalay?
Depending on where you've got to in your binge, and how much you can keep your eyes open when not on Zoe watch, if you haven't read it yet then I think Spring is the best of Szalay's novels. Highly recommend elevating to the top of the pile, with the caveat that it might help a lot to be English when reading it. (Flesh I actually found something of a disappointment, but probably because I hold his earlier work in such high regard.)
Paul, Congratulations! Let me offer you my unsolicited advice I offer to all new/about to be new Dads.
We parents lied. Having a baby is not all bunnies, fluffy clouds and cuddles. In fact, those first few months can be really dark and scary. Your spouse loves this little thing so much; her body hurts and is different; you may feel estranged; your role is primarily logistics, food service and janitorial; the baby doesn't like you all that much b/c you aren't Mom. Shit can get hard and you may wonder "WTF is wrong with me?".
You wouldn't be the first.
At around 3-3.5 months, the baby starts to realize there is this other non_Mom human who makes funny faces, funny sounds and is generally all-right. You'll get smiles, laughs and giggles.
It does get better, but it can get really challenging too.
I love this. I'm with your wife on the reason for the difference in your response to Zoe versus your sons. :) Bill Talbott once remarked to me that he thought parents suffered more as the result of having their child but that somehow, they didn't mind the suffering--a quasi-paradoxical description of the situation that seems exactly right to me.
This is so sweet! It reminds me of "The Sweet Spot" -- your sleepless nights are spent for a meaningful cause, taking care of your newborn baby whom you love. At the end of the day that's definitely happiness.
I hope you take care of yourself too so that we can read more of your writing in the long run!
Damn the second point is so TRUE. I remember my wife hated getting up to the baby at night, and I loved it. It just felt so natural, as if getting up at night for the baby made me the ultimate father. As I don't feel so "ultimate" at the usual day to day, feeling so on a daily (well, nightly) basis is pretty good.
I wonder how much your insomnia was caused by your belief that you have insomnia.
Smooch that belly! Nothing better than baby kissing. Good luck with the workload. The end of the semester will be here before you know it. Just don’t skimp on your conversations with Bob Wright! We must not have you making the lot of us miserable by your absence.
Paul, I am two weeks in with my Felix. The three apply exactly to me. On the third, I don’t know: it’s my first one and I sort of an older guy, 38.
Smitten Potato.
> It’s been a delight watching my wife become a mother and seeing our relationship transform.
I feel like there's a lot there, and I hope I can experience something like that one day.
Congratulations. A beautiful little girl.
I’m a 55-year-old with daughters aged 20, 8, and 4 and a son aged 8 months. The boy was the most instantly bewitching of the three. So maybe it’s not a sex thing. (Not that a second data point is decisive.) Could be paternal age, as you suggest, or something thrilling in difference. (Or maybe it’s a Canadian thing. I’m a Canadian boy who found his way to New England as a student and never left.)
I'm not a father...yet, so I can only relate superficially. I remember once reading a tweet about how it has never historically been the duty of fathers to babywatch or do any other such babycare activities nor was this ever expected of them because there was always a host of extended family kins who would happily do this in order to relieve the mother at least for the first few months or so.
I know you're not complaining and I know today's Western culture demands it of every father as a standard contribution to domestic felicity. In Africa it's different and I think this is one aspect of our own culture I still very much value (even though I've made no secret of valuing very little else). In Nigeria for example, once a couple have a newborn, the mother-in-law from the wife's or husband's side of the family (depending on the tribe, in my own tribe, the Yorubas, it's the husband's mother) would leave everything they're doing to come stay with the new family and help not just with childcare but other domestic affairs for a minimum of one month which could be longer depending on many other considerations. The wife's mother could then take over after the husband's mother has left. For the Igbos, it's the wife's mother this duty falls on and it's something the in-laws look forward to and even fight for.
In the absence of both mother's in-law, usually due to no longer being alive, the eldest daughter or (grand) aunt would step into the role. This is not even mentioning a plethora of younger sisters and cousins who are also eager to step into this role as a way to return the favor they've enjoyed over the years from the couple. This of course means that it's a privilege that's more enjoyed by those who are in the mid to high socioeconomic class. And it's something I also look forward to enjoying when I do become a father.
Congrats once again!!!
She's a sweetheart! I was riveted by the novel Flesh. I'm so I curious about your take on Istvan's psychology. To me I imagine that he embodies the character of many young men today. Hey when you get a minute can you pronounce Szalay?
Depending on where you've got to in your binge, and how much you can keep your eyes open when not on Zoe watch, if you haven't read it yet then I think Spring is the best of Szalay's novels. Highly recommend elevating to the top of the pile, with the caveat that it might help a lot to be English when reading it. (Flesh I actually found something of a disappointment, but probably because I hold his earlier work in such high regard.)
Paul, Congratulations! Let me offer you my unsolicited advice I offer to all new/about to be new Dads.
We parents lied. Having a baby is not all bunnies, fluffy clouds and cuddles. In fact, those first few months can be really dark and scary. Your spouse loves this little thing so much; her body hurts and is different; you may feel estranged; your role is primarily logistics, food service and janitorial; the baby doesn't like you all that much b/c you aren't Mom. Shit can get hard and you may wonder "WTF is wrong with me?".
You wouldn't be the first.
At around 3-3.5 months, the baby starts to realize there is this other non_Mom human who makes funny faces, funny sounds and is generally all-right. You'll get smiles, laughs and giggles.
It does get better, but it can get really challenging too.
Congrats!!
I'm not a dad, but hope to be one day and have always dreaded the insomnia. But this post gives me hope
I love this. I'm with your wife on the reason for the difference in your response to Zoe versus your sons. :) Bill Talbott once remarked to me that he thought parents suffered more as the result of having their child but that somehow, they didn't mind the suffering--a quasi-paradoxical description of the situation that seems exactly right to me.
We will need a Just Babies followup We will need a Just Babies follow-up.
Congratulations. What a lucky and fabulous chance to parent again and still. I am smiling for you.
This is so sweet! It reminds me of "The Sweet Spot" -- your sleepless nights are spent for a meaningful cause, taking care of your newborn baby whom you love. At the end of the day that's definitely happiness.
I hope you take care of yourself too so that we can read more of your writing in the long run!